Friday, December 26, 2008
New comer to blogging
Well here I am EXPANDING MY HORIZON....my honey would be so proud...I did not want a computer on my counter and now I am on facebook and blogging...go figure..still learning at 67 years old. Christmas was not as hard as I anticipated....I guess I did most of my crying ahead of time..I kept thinking my honey is spending Christmas with Jesus this year and in no more pain or struggling with Leukemia or Chrones. Tomorrow is our Family Christmas and we will miss Nicole as she lives in S.D. and has to work. The day will be bitter sweet but we will make it because our God gives grace and peace just when we need it.
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Dearest Mama...can't tell you how proud I am of you! You are a blogger..but most of all..you are an incredible example of strength and peace. I love you.
ReplyDeleteHey Joani this is great. I think it will be such a tool for you and those who love you and have walked any part of this journey with you. God's strength is embodied in you as you allow him to work in you daily as you surrender and trust! "Just trust!" God's Blessings as you Blog! Love, Mary
ReplyDelete2009...it is hard to believe we are starting a New Year! I stayed home last night, watched our 50th Ann. video and cuddled w/ TINA(my honey would be proud).
ReplyDeleteChristmas came and went,and I survived.Sheri was right when she said, "it was like I was sitting there thinking, "Where is dad?" For our children the grief is slower (my observation) every day I wake up and I am consumed w/ the huge loss in my life where they are busy living life with their spouses and the children.
I still have not found my identity but was reminded it has been taken from me when I went to the hospital yesterday to see a friend and not being w/ my PASTOR husband I was not allowed in.
I am dwelling on my identity in Christ, knowing He is my secure HOPE..he gives me a reason to get up in the morning (plus the memory of my honey's incredible perseverance)...he left us a great legacy and I want to leave the same for my children and grandchildren....I know I will never stop missing the love of my life but I have to believe it will get easier...so far it is still so fresh...like it happened yesterday,his journey home was so hard, but I keep trying to picture him well and strong in the presence of the Lord he loved and served.
Joani,
ReplyDeleteYou are an amazing women, a wonderful mentor and a great friend. And yes your honey would be proud of you.
Love, Kris
March 18th..we have passed the first Anniversary of Rich's home going. I am still not used to being alone and yet find myself content to stay at home evenings alone. I want to start writng his book and hope I can stay focused to put into words his message.
ReplyDeleteHe urged our church to stick to their mission and he admonished our family to walk faithfully with the Lord. He kept telling me I would be o.k., I was independant and strong,I could continue to walk by faith w/o him by my side.
I didn't realize how hard it would be to NOT be in the LOOP anymore as a Pastor's wife. My identity is not in my hubby anymore..so who am I? I still have not figured that out and I pray continually for the Lord to show me. I want to finish the race strong..honoring my Lord..but I miss my cheerleader who always encouraged me in whatever I undertook for the kingdom.
I go to the cemetery often..this week I put a yellow wreath on his stone and Shanna added yellow flowers to the vase...it was comforting to me on Sunday to see all the "Yellow" in the congregation.He went home on Palm Sunday..so fitting for one who lived in Victory..and his favorite holiday was Easter. Praise the Lord there is a day coming when we shall all have our triumphant march into heaven!
May 3,2009
ReplyDeleteToday was a hard day..I went to church and I had prayed before I went that I would worship w/o thinking about my honey..I did fine until the last song, "When All Is Said and Done" - Rich heard that, that last week and I remembered his tears when he said, "I want to finish strong." I totally lost it and
left church. I went to the cemetery & wept...a dear friend called and offered to go w/ me but I needed to be alone. I came home and slept for 2 hours.
How long Lord will this pain last, how long before I can hear a song and smile when I remember. He loved the hymns and so many choruses and Sunday was his favorite day as he loved to proclaim God's word. I hear his voice in my head....
We almost always went out for Sunday lunch
so it is hard to come home. Today I went out after my nap and took a book w/me....it truly is a couples world.
May 20th I put to rest our puppy, Tina. She was 14 years,6 mos.and 1 day. It was a very heart wrenching decesion, bt w/ kidney failure I knew her time was running out.
ReplyDeleteTime keeps moving on...I am slowly getting used to not having Tina...I gave all of her stuff away so I would not be tempted to get another dog. The hardest thing is coming into an empty house.
ReplyDeleteThis summer has been different..no grandkids came this summer to stay and I have been up and down with my health...the blood pressure thing and trying new meds which did not agree with me.
I did enjoy going up north with Sheri and Rich's family for a week at our old stomping grounds...it brought back alot of memories..Rich loved it up there and dreamed of maybe retiring there someday.The longer he is gone I am coming to realize how much I depended on him for my spiritual growth..now it is me and Jesus, and I am learning to depend totally on him....his word is so precious and encourages me to persevere. I want to finish WELL and my honey was a great example of putting the Lord first.
I cant believe we passed the year and a half mark...it still seems like yesterday...I still hear stories out in the community about how he touched peoples lives and they encourage me so much...he was a witness wherever he went...may the same be said of me someday......
Here we are ..it is fall..the leaves have fallen, we have already had snow..the cemetery looks so bare, this summer it was so beautiful out there, and now it seems so cold. The comfort to me is knowing my sweetheart is in heaven and the shell I visit will be resurected one day to join the Lord in the air.
ReplyDeleteI have really been in a frump...not sleeping well,and so very lonely..I went to Rochester and driving those roads I drove for 7 months,and seeing the tall Mayo Buildings was such a vivid reminder of the nightmare we experienced...I have all the right answers in my head...God help me to trust Him
for the days ahead, and put those promises in my soul. I have taught others we grow in the hard times...we come out better if we trust God...well here I am testing my own words.....and do I really believe what God says?
I have read the 2nd year is harder then the first so maybe I am where I should be..I sure dont want to stay where I am today...I ask God to put me on someones heart today, that they will pray for me...I am so thankful for praying saints!
Dec.14.....Christmas is fast coming...seems the only time I see my children is for big events, I guess that is the price I pay for staying in Fairmont...I am thankful for the ones who call to check in.
ReplyDeleteI stay busy..cooking for shut ins, and now baking and entertaining and making gifts to give....I can't believe this is my second Christmas alone. I am so thankful for people who tell me they miss him too, he left such a huge hole. I know sometimes when people die you create in your mind how wonderful the person was but he truly was not your average guy...someone told me last week he was very tender and yet strong....I always knew I was a treasure to him and he protected me from so much...I know I have soooo much to be thankful for and I really try to think positive but because of who he was it makes the loss so much harder...I know I cant stay where I am..maybe next year my heart will heal!